The Toilet Paper Monster's Dilemma

I suppose it's all of the cloth diaper talk over at THE MRS that has gotten me thinking (more than usual) about water-closet use.

The Dilemma:

I've been told that I use too much toilet paper.   The truth is, I'm a toilet paper monster.  Just like the cookie monster, but different because I don't actually EAT toilet paper.

Who can determine how much toilet paper another person  needs??  Is there some kind of equation to figure this out?    
Let me see.... 

3 squares for #2 + 2 squares for #1 = 5 squares ?

If I use "too much" toilet paper, does that mean that others walk about with only semi-clean private parts? Eeewww.    


In my Defense:

1)  It's UNDENIABLE that females need to use more toilet paper than males......

2)  Call me a princess, but I like to sit on a clean toilet seat.  If it is not clean, I will wipe it and then line it if it's a public toilet.

3)  I prefer my post-toilet-use hand-washing to be for good measure, not because my hands are actually contaminated.  You're welcome, friends and new acquaintances!

Conclusion:

Maybe I should join the Swiss army to learn how to use less TP.  I've been told that's the place to learn how to have a 2 minute shower so I figure they must also teach efficiency in wiping and toilet paper conservation.